You Keep Me Awake at Night
by Evening Edition
Summary: How do you tell your best friend that you’ve been in love with him since senior year? Warning: Slash


Note: Here it is…my second slash. I hope everyone enjoys reading this. Helped criticism is welcome. I will appreciate the help.

Love…sucks. There it is plain and simple. At least, there it is in my own words. So, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

I'm in love. What sucks about it however, is that I'm in love with a boy. That's right, someone of my own gender. And what sucks even more is that he's my best friend.

I see him everyday, hang out with him over the weekends, and watch him flirt with all the girls.

He has a smile to be compared to an angel. Eyes a deep ocean blue. A laugh that stops me in my tracks. Everything he is, I want…but can't have.

He's the one who helped me through my high school years and onto college. I always had been shy. He helped me to understand that looks didn't matter. He should know that most of all…all because of his single ocean blue eye. The other is covered by a worn eyepatch, blind to the world's color.

The sound of the alarm clock fills the room, but I continue to start at the ceiling. My roommate sits upright, startled from his sleep.

I look over at him calmly, watching as he fixed the patch over his eye as he did every morning. Strands of blond hair fell over the strap and I resisted the urge to brush it away.

Blake Roberts, or Blink, groaned before glancing at me. Seeing that I wasn't about to move, he swung his legs over the edge of his bed. Standing up and walking out of sight, the alarm clock soon turned off.

"How can that not scare you," Blink questioned groggily.

"I was already awake," I replied, "Couldn't sleep."

Blink raised his one eyebrow questioningly, but said nothing. I hadn't gotten much sleep all week and he knew that. I could tell that he'd just about given up on trying to help me.

"Why not," Blink finally sighed.

"I don't know," I replied, the answer that he'd been receiving all week.

"Mush," he sighed again, "You know you can tell me anything right?"

I glanced at him. This was a new part of the conversation.

"Yeah, I know," I replied, but inside my mind was reeling with questions and thoughts. How do you tell your best friend that you've been in love with him since senior year? It's not that easy to say, "But not this time."

I clearly saw the hurt in his eye at my statement. I immediately hated myself for saying it, but I knew that I could never tell him. He would hate me.

"All right," Blink answered slowly, "You don't have to tell me. It's okay if you don't trust me."

"No Blink, it's not like that," I protested, jumping out of bed. I quickly saw what I was about to do and forced myself to calmly sit on the edge of my bed, "It's more personal than I'm willing to say right now."

Blink allowed a small smile to show on his face, "Then I won't force you to tell me." I sighed in relief, but thankfully it went unnoticed by my roommate.

"When do you go to class," I asked, knowing that his schedule seemed to change every other day. I could barely keep up with when all my classes were.

"Noon," he replied, "or is it two?" He hurriedly got up to check his schedule print-out, "Noon!" I laughed when his voice echoed throughout the room, his obvious relief coming through in his tone. He laughed to himself at his forgetfulness.

"I don't go until one," I told him, leaning back on the bed. I had plenty of time to waste. Why the heck did I set the alarm, I asked myself. Habit, I told myself, reminded of all the times that I had woken to the clock on Saturdays, "What should we do until then?"

To my surprise, Blink shrugged. Usually, he had tons of ideas. He was one of those people who loved to be busy. I couldn't count the number of times that I had been dragged to a movie, musical, or party. Dragged technically wasn't the correct word. He talked me into it and then made me drive him to said event.

"I don't really feel like doing anything today," Blink answered, a content tone to his voice. He glanced over at me and laughed at the shocked look on my face. All the times that I had felt like reading or staying in bed, and he had forced me to my feet and out the door. Now, when I actually wanted to do something, here he was trying to convince me to stay for once.

"There's no movie that you want to see," I asked, "No play opening? No crazy parties? No carnival in town?" I lowered my voice suddenly, trying to hide the truth behind the words. Me, be alone with Blink for an extended period of time? How was I supposed to control myself for that long?

I forced a smile in his direction, telling myself to stay calm as he aimed one of his famous smiles back at me. Deep breaths, I told myself, it's not that big of a deal.

I hurriedly stood up, heading towards the bathroom. Without thinking, I turned on the faucet, letting the warm water wash over my hands. I grabbed the soap, scrubbing forcefully. Anything to keep my hands busy.

I brushed my teeth before combing my hair, an untangleable mess most of the time. Then I exited, closing the door behind me. Rethinking, I opened it again.

Turning, I found myself face-to-face with Blink, who wore a confused expression. I didn't blame him. My actions weren't normal.

"Don't you ever feel like washing your hands, and brushing your teeth and hair in the morning," I asked weakly. He shook his head slowly, "Well, I just did okay?"

Blink stared in shock at my quick display of anger. I sighed, sitting at the nearby desk and putting my head in my hands. I could feel my hands shaking and I quickly attempted to stop the motion.

"Mush," Blink said quietly, "I know you don't want to talk about it, but maybe it would be for the best if you did."

"I can't Blink," I sighed, " It's not normal…you'd hate me."

Blink did the most obvious thing at that moment. He blinked, staring at me, hurt and confusion in his eye. I knew exactly what he was trying to ask.

"Why would I ever hate you," he asked. I know, I thought, we've been best friends since high school. Maybe he even felt the same. The chances seemed slim, but I needed to take them.

"Please," I told him, "Please don't hate me for this." Before he could question me, I stood up and approached him, placing my lips over his.

The kiss lasted a few seconds, until Blink gently pushed me away. I looked at him, expecting to see disgust, hate, even anger on his face. Instead I saw joy, happiness, laughter, and maybe even love.

"You thought I'd hate you for that," Blink questioned with a smile and a laugh. I nodded, "How could I?"

"I've been in love with you since senior year," I told him, no longer terrified of rejection.

"Junior year," Blink stated. I stared at him in surprise. Turns out he had loved me long before I ever even knew about my feelings.

"But the girls…" I drifted off.

"A front," Blink admitted, "I didn't want you to know."

I smiled for real this time, the first in a long time. The last thing I heard was Blink's gentle laughter before we kissed again.


End file.
